Scene 1
MARTHA is sitting at the bar. A large centerpiece sits in front
of her, partially blocking her view. She slyly watches TREVOR and CASSIE who
are sitting across from each other at a table in the distance.
SALLY approaches and sits down next to MARTHA. She quickly
notices that MARTHA is intently focused on the affectionate couple.
SALLY
I love seeing couples like that...gives me the feels!
MARTHA
Hmm? Oh yeah, major feels.
SALLY swats at a buzzing fly.
SALLY
It's like they're staring into each other's souls...
MARTHA
A man once held my heart. It's really the strangest
feeling...at first you get all warm and tingly...for a while, every time you
see him, think about him, your entire body flushes with this red tingly
goodness...it grows and grows until it takes the form of this unyielding fire
that just consumes you...
SALLY
Intense.
MARTHA
But then the flushing - that fire - it starts to burn a little,
and your chest gets all tight...and finally, in that moment you realize that
this guy - the one who has your heart, your fragile bleeding heart - he's
holding it in the palm of his hand, and he's slowly squeezing the life out of
it...popping veins like rubber bands...finally all you're left with is this
bloody, oozy muscular pulp...I could never give it to anyone else. It's
destroyed. It's gone. He might as well just keep it. I mean,
what am I going to do with it now?
SALLY
(pause)
Um...I like the little Band-Aids with the pictures...
MARTHA finally looks at SALLY who is holding an awkward gaze.
MARTHA
I'm sorry. I'm not crazy, I promise.
SALLY
No, no, no. I just-- I really do like the Band-Aids...Looking
at the little pictures somehow makes the boo-boos less painful.
SALLY swats at the fly again.
MARTHA extends her hand.
MARTHA
I'm Martha. What brings you here? What are you
running away from?
TREVOR and CASSIE leave the table hand-in-hand and walk past the
bar. MARTHA carefully turns her back to the two as to not draw attention
to herself.
SALLY
My name’s Sally. Actually, my dreams brought me here. I don’t have anything to run away from.
MARTHA
Well, that's pleasant. You're so innocent I almost envy
your naiveté.
SALLY
I don't feel very nai--
MARTHA
(staring in the direction of the couple's exit)
You know what might be fun?
SALLY
(distracted by the fly)
Lots of things?
MARTHA
Killing something.
SALLY
Wow. Um, I think my definition of fun and your definition
of fun aren't the same thing...and one is definitely NOT legal.
SALLY is attempting to leave when MARTHA jumps up, blocking
SALLY's path.
MARTHA
No, no, no! Not in the literal sense.
SALLY backs towards her seat, but doesn't sit.
SALLY
You might have to elaborate a little bit more for me...
MARTHA
(beat)
Maybe it is in the literal sense. But not humans.
Not people. Like hunting...I think I want to go hunting.
SALLY
Oh. Well, that's...not so...illegal. Um, I could
never kill anything living so, I still don't think our "funs" are
equivalent.
MARTHA
Hmph. So, where's your magnifying glass?
SALLY
I'm sorry? My what? I don't under--
MARTHA
Your magnifying glass...to look out for those very-much-living
ants you don't step on and kill, but inevitably would without said magnifying
glass?
SALLY
I-- I don't have a--
SMACK! MARTHA smacks the buzzing fly down on the
countertop and raises her hand for Sally to view. The dead fly is resting
on her palm.
MARTHA
(with her palm raised)
And what about this little guy you've been swatting at for the
past two minutes? Was this not your intention, or where you just eager to
give him a well deserved pat on the back for his pestering abilities?
SALLY
Ugh, guh-- I think maybe I should skiddale.
MARTHA
(pause)
Oh my god! I'm so sorry. I swear, I'm not crazy, I'm
just...okay, I might be a little tipsy. (pretending to be drunk)
Woohoo! I'm feeling good...or something drunk people might say...
SALLY
Are you here alone? Is there someone I could call for you?
MARTHA
The people I know...they don't exist to me. Or I to
them. They're just animals. So, no.
SALLY
(trying to figure out what to say)
I like animals...
MARTHA
A cat and a dog stay in my house. The dog is fun to have
around, but he keeps crapping everywhere. All over the dinner table...all over
my bed...in the shower...that's where I found 'em once. And the cat,
she's the reason the dog misbehaves, but she's been so obedient lately.
One of them needs to go.
SALLY
(confused about the conversation)
Maybe you should think about a trainer?
MARTHA
It can't keep going on. One of them has to go.
SALLY sits.
SALLY
If it really does come down to that, although I'd hope you'd
reconsider...which one do you love most? I know that's probably a
ridiculous question, because--
MARTHA
I don't love either of them.
MARTHA
Didn't you hear my whole thing about the heart earlier? It
was like a speech.
SALLY
Wow. I just...people usually get pets because-- whatever.
SALLY
Okay. Well then, why not find them a home for someone who
does?
MARTHA stands, entranced by SALLY's idea.
MARTHA
(talking to herself)
Get rid of both? I never considered that...I can't
believe-- I can't believe I never considered...I mean, if I do one, two
couldn't hurt, right?! Then I wouldn't even have to worry about the other
afterwords...I mean, it could look suspicious if they both-- but then maybe
they just ran away together? I need to think about it...logistics,
logistics.
SALLY
(unsure of what she just heard)
Yeah, maybe you could ask around or maybe post something on
Craigslist?
BARTENDER
Another diet coke, miss?
MARTHA sits.
MARTHA
Uh, yes. Hold the rum this time.
BARTENDER
(confused)
Uh, okay.
MARTHA
Do you think I could find any copies of CSI onboard?
Preferably the ones where the killer gets away with it? I like when
they're unpredictable...
SALLY
Um, I--
MARTHA
Nevermind.
MARTHA gets up and abruptly leaves.
SALLY
Wow.
BARTENDER
Yeah, strange one.
SALLY
You should be ashamed of yourself! Shame on you!
BARTENDER
What?!
SALLY
I thought it's supposed to be your job to minimize the level of
over-drunkenness at this bar? You know, for a bartender, you're not very
good at...tending bar or...whatever!
BARTENDER
I didn't give her an alcohol! Are you kidding me?! A
woman that high-strung?! Straight coke since she's been here...well, one
diet when I realized I was giving her the regular, but that's it!
SALLY
No alcohol?
BARTENDER
You couldn't pay me enough to let her sniff the stuff.
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