rob's first scene

SCENE ONE.
PASSENGERS shove and push through the crowds, push luggage and wait for the ship to embark.  This is a sleek new Carnival Cruise with all the latest amenities.  Hannah moves down the aisle, overwhelmed as passengers vie for her attention...
PASSENGERS
There’s no room for my bag!  What if I get seasick?  I can’t find my cabin!  Where’s the open bar?  Do they sell tampons on board?  I can’t find my son!
GALLEY
Hannah enters, frazzled.  First mate MATT TETHERS (straight as an arrow, so hot it hurts) sits on a cocktail cart.  Protein bar in one hand.  iPhone in the other.
MATT
(sexy purr, on the phone)
I’ve got something sweet for dessert, baby.
ROBERT
Excuse me.  It’s crazy out there.  We need more Dramamine.
Rex yanks a box from under his ass.  Tosses it without looking at him.  Robert catches it, pissed.
MATT
(on the phone)
No one.  Just a cleaning lady.  Ciao, bella.  
He clicks off and looks Hannah over from head to toe.
MATT (CONT'D)
You the new girl?
HANNAH
Uhm...yes.  Sure.  Hannah Harrison.
MATT
Matt...Walthers.  Wanna bite?
He offers his protein bar.  Eyes her sexually.  Hannah feels every inch.  She covers herself with a life raft and stumbles out.
Robert
Seriously?  She’s old enough to be your daughter.
Matt shoves a mic into Robert’s hand.  Walks off.
ROBERT
(into microphone)
I’m Robert Long.  Welcome to Circus Cruise’s inauguration journey to the Caribbean isles.  Remember, our ships might sink, but we won’t... Just joking.  We’d like to introduce a new member to our crew team.  Give it up for...Hannah Harrison!
Outside HANNAH stops dead in her tracks, like a deer caught in head lamps.  THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE. Oh shit!
ROBERT
If you need anything, make sure to let her know.
Hannah is swamped with passengers. Through the crowd, we see a frazzled looking woman. This is MADDY. She walks in an almost catatonic state looking out towards the ceaseless sea.
BOW OF THE SHIP
Maddy suddenly jumps!
A DINGY
A couple, NATE & TANYA makes love on the dingy. Just as they’re about to climax, something, someone comes barrelling down towards them. Tanya, looking up in horror, wraps herself in a towel and runs off in flagrante delicto..Ssuddenly... WOOOFTT! Maddy tumbles down upon NATE.
MADDY
Arggh!
Nate grabs his leg, wincing in pain.
NATE
What the fuck..?
MADDY
Ouch!
NATE
Owwwww!  Are you fucking crazy?
Maddy nursing her arm, shoots him a dirty look.
MADDY
Excuse me?
NATE
You nearly killed us.. (looks around. Sees Tanya’s gone) me.   Jesus!
MADDY
I’m’ sorry. I didn’t think... I didn’t intend...
NATE
To jump off a friggin’ deck?
MADDY
Well..
NATE
I think you broke my femur.
MADDY
Really, I’m sorry.  That wasn’t my intention.
Nate tries to stand, but it hurts too much. He topples back over. Maddy touches his leg.  He SCREAMS.
NATE
Ow!  Stop!  What are you doing?
MADDY
Just checking to see if it’s fractured.
NATE
Are you a nurse?
MADDY
Well, no, uhm, but I watch a lot of Grey’s Anatomy. I did take a CPR class once, but I didn’t finish.  I have a fear of mannequins...
NATE
Did you fall?
MADDY
Not really?
NATE
Why did you tumble down on me?
MADDY
It was an accident...
NATE
You fell?
MADDY
Not exactly.
NATE
Someone pushed you?  Oh my God!

MADDY
I jumped.
NATE
That doesn’t sound like an accident.
MADDY
I meant I didn’t mean to hit you. I was supposed to hit the water. I guess I underestimated the torque.
NATE
(incredulous)
You underestimated the torque?
MADDY
It looked like I was over the water.  I probably shouldn’t have taken off my glasses first.
NATE
You fuckin’ wackjob! You could’ve killed us, me.
MADDY
Honestly, that wasn’t my intention.  (beat)  Where did that girl go?
NATE
Good question.  You probably scared the shit out of her.  She was afraid she’d lose her job if she got caught...
Maddy feels something under her. Picks it up. It’s a condom wrapper. Grossed out, she flicks it out of the dingy.
MADDY
Ohmygod! You were having sex?
NATE
Were being the operative word.  Never got to actually finish...
MADDY
Yuk!
NATE
You kidding me!  Who are you to judge?  You’re the one who tried to off herself...
This hits Maddy hard.  She starts to sob. Nate doesn’t know how to react.
NATE
Listen, uhm. Sorry.  I didn’t mean...
MADDY
No, it’s true.  I  can’t do anything right.  I can’t even kill myself.
NATE
Why would you want to take your life?
MADDY
My therapist says its because I have low self esteem.
NATE
Why?  You’re  not a bad looking chick.  I’d lose the boots...
MADDY
They’re not boots...
NATE
They look like boots.
MADDY
They’re Zoomba weights.  Helps trim the thighs.
Nate cracks up.  Is she for real?
NATE
What kind of idiot jumps off a cruise ship in Zoomba boots?
MADDY
This isn’t funny.
NATE
Hell, yeah. It is.
MADDY
I was trying to dive head first, but the weights swung me around...
Nate is nearly pissing himself laughing. The more he tries to stop, the more funny it becomes.
MADDY
You’re really not a nice guy.
NATE
No, I’m sorry. It’s just... Maybe you should have planned this out a bit better.
MADDY
Maddy starts to storm off.
NATE
Wait!  Where are you going?
MADDY
I need to regroup. I’ve had enough derision for one night...
NATE
You’re just going to leave me here with a fractured leg?  You did this to me!
MADDY
Maybe you shouldn’t have been screwing a maid in a lifeboat.
NATE
You’re blaming this on me?
MADDY
If the condom fits...
NATE
Woah!  Something’s wrong with this picture, lady.
MADDY
You’re right.  If you hadn’t been trying to get your nut off, I’d be descending into the abyss right now.
NATE
Descending into the abyss?
MADDY
Go on.  Mock me.
NATE
Maybe you just have a romantic view of suicide.  There’s no John Williams score and a tunnel of white light  waiting for you.
MADDY
How would you know?
NATE
I died once.
MADDY
Don’t you take anything seriously?
NATE
I am serious.  I was in a car accident in college. I died on the operating table... at least for thirty seconds.  Then they revived me.  Believe me., there’s nothing romantic about dying.
MADDY
I don’t want to talk about this.  Seriously.
While getting up, Maddy bumps Nate’s injured leg. He SHOUTS in pain.
MADDY
Sorry.  That wasn’t intentional.
NATE
Bullshit! Ouch!  You’re crazy.
She starts to walk away.  Ignoring him.
NATE
You’re not going to just leave me here like this..?
Maddy continues off.
NATE
Fuck you!  Go on. Kill youself.  Do everyone a favor.  I have a bottle of Ambien.  You could swallow it down with Drano.
And she’s gone.
NATE
Good. Great.  You’ll be hearing from my attorney, bitch!

Justin.wolske@calstatela.edu